Of Him, Her And They…

I do not know how we got here, how what turns us on in between the sheets became what describes us as a people. Is this all that we are worth?, do we not have other battles worth fighting for?. Are titles all that we strive for as humans ? to be labeled for or against a certain group or agenda. If it is these rented titles that we strive and live for then maybe, just maybe we need to go back to the roots and find out where we lost it on the way or maybe I am coming on too strong, let’s start over shall we.

Happy new year, or is it too late to say that?. I do wonder when is the right time to stop saying happy new year or compliments of the season because someone once told me that Congolese people wish each other a happy new year all year round. What do you think ?. Anyways where were we – oh yes, of him, her and they.

Tackling  the LGBTQIA community and the issues surrounding this community is rather one of the stupidest things one can do at this time. I do hope I will not be stoned and labeled a homophobic or someone pushing an agenda for Heterosexism. I do realize that I might be writing from a place of ignorance or of privilege where no one  questions my preferences when it comes to what turns me on in-between the sheets. I also acknowledge that this issues is more than just about sexual orientation and gender identity. I will be the first one to highlight that I honestly can not keep up with all the new words and politically correct  “sexuals” from graysexual ,nonbinary,  demisexual to cisgender and gender nonconforming people. Truth be told, and as hurtful as it might sound, I do not care enough to keep up to date on all these terms as I feel I have more important issues and problems to address other than other people’s sexual preferences but then again maybe that’s where the problem begins.  Maybe that is why I find it difficult to address someone as they instead of her.

As a straight African man, I am of the belief that there are more important issues to focus on and address than that of calling someone with their preferred and politically correct noun. Maybe it has something to do with the way we were raised as Africans, as black man. Sex and what we prefer to do in between the sheets was never a topic to be discussed in the open nor a badge you wear and announced to every person you meet. It was never a title you attach together with your name when introducing yourself. I am not sure of how we got here but then again vulnerability is not a strength that we recognize nor were we taught to wear our emotions on our sleeves. It is however the same African Culture that schooled us of Ubuntu, of humanity which then brings a question to mind – is our Ubuntu selective depending on who we prefer to fall in love with or what turns us on?. I honestly do not understand the difference between sex, gender and sexuality, neither do I understand the concept of some identifying as non- binary.

In my small mind it doesn’t make sense for someone to neither identify as a man nor a woman and be in between. I however can not begin to imagine what it must feel like for someone to tell and prove that their kind of love is authentic. This is an exprience I will never be part of nor relate to because I am on the side of the story were what I feel and how I express my sexuality is deemed to be normal. I will never be able to relate to someone who prefers to be called by a certain noun that is not “traditionaly correct ” because that is not my story and it is okay. I do feel that it’s hurtful to assume or ignore someone’s pronouns or identity. We all want to be seen and be accepted as who we are. If we do not respect someone’s preferences then we are denying their identity. But whose preference matters more is the question that comes to mind. You would think that it is the person who is asking to be addressed as they, whose preferences matter the most, but is it that easy, is it all black and white. Perhaps those who believe that they can only be 2 genders should also not be bullied into affirming identities that they reject.

The just ended winter Olympics did bring this conversation to the table by allowing Timothy LeDuc to compete as a nonbinary athlete and allowing women to compete as “women” rather than ladies. All of this is still confusing to me, and a little bit unfair if you ask me because there are differences and advantages to both the Male and Female bodies and that is an undeniable fact. Who is bullying who into submission ? Is it those of us who are deemed to be “normal” or those who prefer to be titled and called with the not so traditional norms. I however have learnt that you can’t control what people feel and how they react so the best you can do is be humble. Be humble enough to accept everyone’s story and reactions based on their experiences, preferences and assumptions.

I do have issues don’t I….

…condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Leviticus 5 : 1